Monthly Parenting Tips

We are fortunate to have Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, Ph.D. provide us with a series of monthly columns in our email newsletters. As the esteemed H. Rodney Sharp Professor at the University of Delaware, she is the Director of the Infant Language Project and author of numerous books on play as the basis of healthy child development, including the recently published A Mandate for Playful Learning in Preschool: Presenting the Evidence (2009- Oxford University Press).

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August 2009 Tip: Gearing Up for School

Remember your first day of school?  New shoes, sharpened pencils and a serious case of nerves mixed with excitement, wondering: “Will my teacher be nice?”  “Will I know anyone?”  “Will I miss Mom all day?” “Will I find my locker?”

It’s similar to the first day jitters we grown-ups may feel with a new job or moving to a new town. But it’s without the perspective of past experiences to balance it, so it can feel pretty enormous to a child.

The good news is that we can actively help our kids with the adjustment to school – either to their first school or to an advancing grade – by considering a few simple concepts.

First timers:  School is a huge mystery if you’ve never been!  Whether it’s day care or nursery school, First Timers are downright clueless about what to expect. We need to remember that they don’t even know what a classroom looks like.

Taking your child to see the actual site will be an enormous step in the right direction. If you can wander around in the space and point out interesting toys and materials, your child is likely to feel much relieved.  Don’t forget to point out that there will even be a few nice grownups to help everyone get through the day.  And of course, there will also be a bunch of kids who can’t wait to play.  Emphasize the fun and new learning your child will soon have! 

Another thing you can do is to find out who is in your child’s class and see if you can arrange a play date with one or more of those children.  This may turn into a friendship for your child and give him or her someone to look forward to seeing in the new school. 

I am always fond of reading books around issues that emerge in children’s lives and the library is a great place to find them. I always recommend reading books around issues that emerge in children’s lives.  Books help children understand and anticipate what they will experience by providing pictures and words. 

When you read these words with your usual enthusiasm and warmth, the underlying message is that school is a great place!   The public library was my favorite source of books when my kids were little. Two of my favorites about first time jitters are The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn and I Love You All Day Long by Francesca Rusackas.

For Returning Students: These children know what school is like and already have feelings about their return.  They need preparation for a new classroom and new teacher and new classmates. They need to be reassured that they can maintain last year’s friendships through play dates and encouraged to invite over new friends from their current class.  Children often go to school happily with the prospect of playing with friends – even when they are less than enamored with their teacher or the subject matter at hand.  The more you can help them make new friends the better. 

Some children will be going to new schools because parents have decided for economic reasons to change schools or move for a job.  Again, children need reassurance that they can keep their old friends and make new ones too!

For all children:  The summer is free and easy compared to the changes that parents need to institute once school starts.  Parents can help their children adjust by talking about these changes in advance – and be sure to do this in a positive way!  For example: 

• Regular bed times mean that children won’t be tired when they get up and will be perky for school. 

• More structure in the day means that weekends can be more special. 
• Packing backpacks and laying out clothes the night before means the morning won’t feel so rushed.

If you let your children in on the changes that are coming, they will understand why you are altering your tune.  As with most topics, when children are treated with respect and told why their lives are changing, they are more receptive to the information and will typically be less resistant to change.

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